Have you ever jumped from rock to rock along the riverbank; Trusting that your feet will cling to solid ground and hold you upright? Believing that you will hang on and stay on, rather than lose your grip on the slippery slime and plunge into the water? Praying to land with balance and grace?
Looking ahead, yet sometimes behind. Nervous, yet confident. Scared, yet hopeful. Excited, though focused. Heading forward, yet sometimes looking behind.
This is precisely how I intend to live in the new year. Living and looking for new hope, new light, new rocks to jump yet looking back, honoring, remembering, and cherishing yesterday’s memories, wishes, moments, and even the plunges.
New beginnings can be scary, exciting, and sometimes relenting. It is difficult to leave the comforts of ritual, habit, and times of grief behind in order to begin anew, to move on, and forge ahead. Sometimes the best we can do is to take that which holds us back and use it to propel us forward.
Jumping from rock to rock, like leaping from one year to another, takes courage, determination, belief in yourself, and heart.
…But how can you take heart when your heart has been taken?
…What can you do when each day brings a sense of newness that is both refreshing and smothering?
…How will you live through this new year without your child?
You will live and learn to blend “what should be” with “what is” in order to create a beautiful “now” and “will be”.
You will face the newness, yet you will look back. You deserve to look back, as you have come a long way.
You will connect with others and share your tale of love, loss, and gains. You will be heard, seen, and taken by the hand.
You will ache for your child longingly last year, this year, and every year. You deserve to long, as your heart is missing its biggest piece.
You will face this brand-new year and this same old grief head and heart on, and I will be right here encouraging you.
Much love, Cullin’s Mama
Photo credit Jordan Whitt, Upsplash